C Rayz Walz "Ravipops" - entire album is tight. Definitive Jux Records does it again, an amazing hip hop album. This kats word play is just ridiculous - "Like retards getting pussy/I'm dumb in the cut/You wake up in jail cells/With a thumb up your butt." And the Murs song "God's Work" is tight too. Download that shit. New El-p jazz-beat CD coming soon, as is the Def Jux tour in April (?). yea. time for midterms. looking for internships for the summer. might go to puerto rico. i didn't know spring break was so close...which means college nationals are only 4 or 5 weeks away. damn. be honest.

can't sleep. woke up at 7am on a saturday for no reason whatsoever. cafe de la paz is an interesting place. i wrote a new poem i'm excited about. geoff's chapbook is too damn good. still broke. feeling C Ray Walz's old shit. want to go to frisco. happy it's sunny. wish i practiced tagging in high school with the old pomona crew. stevie wonder "if it's magic" - oooo those lyrics are good. busy day ahead. already looking forward to this semester being over for no reason whatsoever.

kings killed the lakers tonight. bibby saves norcal once again. drank last night. starry plough was wack last night, as was my performance of my poem. beware of the rabbit. A- on euro essay. finally downloaded "labor days" by Aesop Rock - goddamn. so good.

upon visiting stebbins tonight, i realized why i left. and it paralleled a conversation i had today as well. yes, i'm gonna pull the race card out on this shit - i think white people can be pretty damn cold sometimes. straight up. too goddamn anal and insecure, yet cocky. a lot of them haven't lived, haven't felt true pain before. it's just nothing but green pastures, frat parties, and studying abroad. this goes to whitewashed minorities as well. it's just fucked. most minorities are treated as wild and eccentric, not as actual people. treated as lazy insignificant silent citizens. and you know what, many fall into this stereotype (hermanos unidos) but many are actually doing something with their lives instead of drinking corona's while wearing che guevara t-shirts on. fuck! i'm just venting ya'll (see 1st entry), but think about this shit....

weekend: studying for euro midterm, editing, and breathing.

listening to old richard pryor stand-up skits keep me happy. today = horrible. tomorrow don't look to good either. still trying to be optimistic. think i got too much on my plate. need to write more. need to edit more. miss home. feelin 'college dropout'. behind on reading. upon arrival at european history lecture late, as always due to it being across campus from the class before, my professor began discussing this thing called "next week's midterm examination" - shit. got a 96% on latin american history paper. maybe procrastination pays off. hmmmm. tired of privatized health care. nader's crazy. listening to cursive makes me lazy. hearing mush's voicemail made me smile. meraj needs a journal. my meals today: cinnamon toast crunch for breakfast, french bread for dinner....yes bread for dinner. bad. and i'm broke.

sad words from a sad man.

Scubahood323: fuck you and your me being emo shit
Scubahood323: im as thugged out as they come
Scubahood323: fuck i cant come close to saying that with a straight face
caenTAE: hahahah
caenTAE: genius
caenTAE: i'm out yo
caenTAE: peace
Scubahood323: later bich
Scubahood323: bitch

past week has been crazy: 2 essays due, recovering from strep throat, uc davis poetry slam regionals, and an old flame from the dorms is back in my life.

friday and saturday were spent in davis for poetry slam regionals. sooo much shit happenned, but much love to uc santa cruz and cal state long beach. uc berkeley got 1st place - much love: Mush, Jimmy "I got a Headache" Tran, and Josh. We're gonna keep on writing and creating to the fullest. I'm very fortunate to be on the same team as these kats. Emily (the ultimate bowler) and Geoff are our poetic parents. Much love to Robert and Jammeeeeeeeela. And of course Jesse Davis for being cool and letting me crash at his apartment.....again. Shot out to Grant and Michael as well, and the Anarchist R.A. cat. With just 3 teams in davis, it was just crazy. We went to parties like 30 deep and shit, took over a pizza place, busting poems for free beer, freestyling, and laughing our asses off. All in Davis - one of the whitest and lamest towns around, but it's still interesting to hang there. Try the Cinnamon Pizza at Woodstocks. Quote of the trip: Random drunk dude at a random drunky party telling me, "Maaaaan, you know what's wrooongggg with Davis? All these Geeky Davis girls! LIKE THIS ONE!!! (points to girl RIGHT next to him)" That was funny....sad, but hilarious. Overall, I felt like a poetic rockstar. Scary.

back in berkeley, back to the stress. behind on reading. more dental work coming. gotta send off this absentee ballot. new kanye gets really good towards the end (track 20!). common tears it up, as does kweli. slam on wednesday. i thought this is gonna be my week off, but naw man...busy as shiiiiiiitttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

man i get chills watching the "Encore" video for Jay Z. think about it - an entire arena, all of madison garden, filled to the brim with heads down with jay z...and rap. and although it's the roc, and it's all blingy and shit, motherfuckers are having fun. i like that. true, i'd love to see jean grae or the roots or jurassic 5 doing the same thing, but dammit if it has to be jigga, then that's cool (although i still like nas better)...kanye's beat for encore is just ridiculous - it's so motherfuckin soulful - haha.

back to the essay. i got 3 hours till it's due.

rainy day in berkeley. beautiful nonetheless. rjd2 is great. i'm stuck on another essay stressing the fuck out. after 330pm on thursday life will be a bit clearer as i'll be with books catching up. i have 24 dollars in my bank account. i don't know how to feel about that. i have until the 5th of march to live off of 24 dollars. this should be interesting. finally put in a full day of school work - too often this happens during the 'crunch time' period caused by procrastination. a vicious cycle: you slack off, are forced to get studious for like 2 or 3 days straight, and then complain about not being able to do the things YOU want to do because YOU procrastinated. i want to slam tomorrow at the starry plough, but i'll probably be stuck writing this bloody essay, a hard essay at that. thank god for music. i'm falling in love with Black Star for the 928492084th time, and it still feels good. i like women who not only think, but know, they're sexy. you can see it in the hips. there's this asian-possibly-latina girl who works at the bank on university and shattuck in downtown berkeley, across the street from mcdonalds. the past 2 times i've dragged my ass to mcdonald's (i gave it up for a long time, but am back on the double cheeseburger value meal plan again) i've seen this girl. she's always dressed up with some tight form fitting skirts, cleavage shirts, white high heels, streaks in her hair - you know the uniform fellas. she knows she's hoTT in that lil kim bitch way. to quote the proverb, sluts sleep with everyone, a bitch will sleep with anyone but you. although i saw her looking at me out the corner of her eye as we crossed paths, to say the least i don't think this girl would touch me with a used tampon, let alone make me brunch. immediately after crossing her path and giving a homeless dude a penny, i see this deranged homeless guy with the hugest and most stylish grey afro this side of the misssissippi start yelling at the Perimeter bus, which drives lil uc berkeley students around the perimeter of campus. he spat he cursed he flowed he pissed. pure genius. i'd sadly rather see that then look at the hurley t-shirt wearing bastards of my euro history class. blah. i got the official count today: buffy only dies twice in the whole buffy series. interesting.

i want to go skateboarding.

first cal slam practice occured yesterday, and boy was it interesting. i like my team a lot, we're all very different, but we all bring a lot of different shit to the poetic table. it's fun hanging out with them, i'm looking forward to regionals. later i got advice from geoff trenchard once again, met the suicide kings...it's just crazy meeting these people i once studied/watched on hbo's def poetry jam and now being able to sitting down at a coffee shop and talking shit, and in the case of trenchard, him editing my poetry. crazy indeed.
i realize that when i meet people, i tend to hide myself, to be like a turtle or something. i should stop doing that. also, i realize i'm sensitive to criticism, which is another thing i need to overcome...i am overcoming it. slowly but surely. ah, insecurities. they are always there whether or not you realize...and just when you think you've overcome them, they come back again, sometimes stronger.

pretty much done with this strep throat bullshit. i'm behind on reading, and i need to write an essay due thursday, and then there are regionals. blah. hopefully i can kick it with jesse davis in davis (ha!), get some in-n-out.

it's raining in berkeley. i like nann because it's only a dollar, as is tea at coffee shops. i'm with an old flame, even with strep throat (boomshakalaka). new cd's of the moment: the "experience jill scott" live double album and the CLASSIC Erykah Badu's "Baduizm" - amazing album. "Appletree" - download it ya'll. Hood, it'll get you laid. Scouts Honor :)

and before i forget, happy b-day marissa. my wonderful older sibling. your b-day is tomorrow, the same b-day as the one and only Michael Jordan. you rule. peace.

and now, i'm off to further procrastination and 'stand and deliver' on dvd

cee-lo "gettin grown"

goddamn this song's great. it's been in my head since like december. download it ya'll. it's a fun one.

CEE-LO LYRICS
GETTIN' GROWN LYRICS

Hey
Little boy you got a lot of stay
You have to fall inevitibly
And I've sure come a long way

The road up ahead was so unclear
Back slidin down the bottom of beer
Nobody knew if I would make it here

Sweet music set me free
From the statistic that I started to be
I wish my mama was alive to see

The memories of pain have scarred
And when I fall it's usually hard
But I get up and keep followin' God

Hey, I'm Gettin' grown, (la la la la la, la la la la la) I'm gettin grown
I'm Gettin grown (la la la la la, la la la la la) I'm gettin grown, hey

Now I remember the good ol' days
Broads and boxes and blunts to blaze
Now I got three children to raise

I never won't be perfect I know,
But workin on it is worse than I know,
Life is just learning as you go

Been selfish once or twice
I had to how learn to sacrifice
So here's to my late nighters be nice

Every day that goes by I find
It eithers hits me or robs you blind
Gotta owe ya this life of mine


I'm gettin grown (la la la la la, la la la la la) I'm gettin grown,
I'm gettin grown (la la la la la, la la la la la) I'm gettin grown
(whistling)

Oooo, time changed but it feels the same,
There's no tellin what tommorow will bring,
Even if I could I wouldn't change a thang

Hey, Lord I know I'm not here to stay
But thanks for wakin' me up today
Prepare me for what may come my way

Say, young man, there's no need to cry
Because I know you will get by
Look your destiny in the eye

Everyday my heart burns to try
You got to walk before you learn to fly
And we all got to earn to die

I'm gettin' grown (la la la la la, la la la la la) I'm gettin' grown
I'm gettin' grown (la la la la la, la la la la la) I'm gettin' grown
I'm gettin' grown (la la la la la, la la la la la) I'm gettin' grown
I'm gettin' grown (la la la la la, la la la la la) I'm gettin' grown
I'm gettin' grown (la la la la la, la la la la la) I'm gettin' grown
(fade)

word up. peace ya'll. carpe diem.

ah, valentine's day....with strep throat. an interesting day nonetheless. it was a beautiful sunny day here in berkeley. i got rest. i've been listening to the postal service and death cab for cutie all day to get that sentimental feeling going. and of course outkast and cannibal ox. but yeah. had a good conversation with nadiyah. that was nice. i smell like cough drops. i love round table pizza. tomorrow should be interesting. i got an extension on my first essay, which will probably give me even more time to procrastinate, although i hope not. feeling a lil better/healthier via more sleep. song of the day: Death Cab For Cutie "Blacking Out the Friction." i've been trying to download the movie Say Anything all day but to no avail. props to meraj for seeing the roots, with the guest appearance of jean grae. that's so awesome. i think i finally realized that i've never had a relationship where both personality, sexuality, intelligence, and that 'butterfly' effect on your stomach happen all at once...i've never been in love. i find that empowering though. it gives me something to look forward to. i do love my family. that's for sure. it's nice seeing them. i do not take them for granted. i plan on not taking more things for granted these days. we shall see what happens with that. the beauty is in the struggle.

i got the strepness - strep throat. oakland er is an interesting place. i want to get better soon. desire to buy cd's, but i'm lacking cash period. praying my throat gets better for davis regionals next weekend, which it should, but i'm paranoid blah blah blah. The Roots with Jill Scott - "Complexity" - the third verse is pretty much my romantic autobiography. so now i attempt to sleep amidst a wave of hippie partiers, my own random thoughts, anger, and the strepness. happy valentines day to me indeed. suzie screw, i love you.

ooooooo sore throats. feeling horrible. no no. feeling shitty. there it is. essay due tomorrow, haven't started. haven't eaten. poetry practice on sunday, and i can't talk. parents coming up this weekend. another essay due tuesday. regionals in davis next week. shit shit shit shit shit.

i went from hives to sore vocal chords.

and medicine is too damn expensive these days. regulate the health industry dammit.

blah

i made the team.

outta 8 poets, i got 2nd, and am now an official member of the UC Berkeley SLAM Poetry team...

for the past 2 weeks, i've been stressing about this shit HARD, worse than any exam, any awkward date with a girl, anything...but it all worked out alright. Lots of people from the Stebbins and Euclid co-op showed up for support, which was great, and Freddie's presence/phone advise was much needed. Pernia was representing (i owe her a dizzie rascal poster), mac & dina, and of course Camilo "Dirty" Sanchez. Even my cousin Esteban was there, with his amazingly attractive lady friend Nicole (if i fucked up the name i apologize, but you're hoTT)...if they're going out, i'm slapping him immediately.

the judges were HARSH! the first round everyone got like 25s, which outta 30, is mad low...slowly the scores began to turn it around. best poems of the night: all 3 by MUSH who got first, Sam's 3rd round poem, and Jimmy's EPIC 3rd round poem - i've heard it before, but goddamn, this time with NO MIC this kat just opened up every ounce of himself and everyone in that room FELT that shit...the place was packed, biggest slam of the year at bear's lair. The UC Berkeley slams are quickly becoming the place where even the EXPERIENCED AND PUBLISHED BAY AREA POETS are coming to hear, what they call, the NEW RAW CREATIVE SHIT. Truely amazing. Goes to show you, the youth got a voice, and there's always some kid out there writing and writing and writing and thinking...the energy all night was just intense, insane levels of sound from the audience. I got a lot of props from lots of heads, which meant a lot...but i think Jimmy's poem was the highlight for me. That was just genius.

So now the team is me, Jimmy, MUSH, and this kat named Josh - young buck who is SERIOUSLY kicking some verbal ass with some raw shit. Our alternate is the lovely and beautiful Shaden. We're being lead by Emily Kagan, who will soon be on HBO's Def Poetry. Watch out ya'll.....so next weekend we're going to Davis on an ALL EXPENSE PAID trip to California Regionals. Should be a ball.

It's 1am, and now I get to do homework, which is - writing poetry. haha. it's like a curse or something. Now that I'm on the team, I gotta work harder in school and try not slip behind...bah!!!! College would be perfect if there were no clases!!!!

So Silver and Danny are no more...damn. I hope you're doing good Silver, I'll see you soon :)

"Put a mic in front of me, and I'm gonna bless it, hummingbird style, 70 times in one second" - Vast Aire from the Cannibal Ox song "Stress Rap"

insert meraj diss here_____________and here ___________________

I miss the San Gabriel Valley.

"Which orifice do you stick your head in to hear the ocean?" - andrea

"I'm so hungry!" - fat andrea

an unproductive weekend to say the least. note to partiers: a slip n slide is not a slip n slide if water is not involved. bubble rap and plastic don't count. did some guerilla poetry on sproul today. jimmy blew the roof off their heads, shaden, adam, joe, jameeeeeela, and angie all spat some proper words. finals tomorrow night, and i'm feeling less nervous. i realize that in every entry of this blog there is always a mention of finals...i guess i'll be happier when it's over, when i know whether or not i made the damn team or not. regardless, i'll be at all the local slams spittin my shit, trying to do....something. ha.

recent purchases: El-P "fantastic damage" special edition, with all instrumentals.

and the STYLE WARS DVD!!! everyone must see this movie. parts of it are in the Aesop Rock vid for "no jumper cables" but the whole documentary is amazing.

so yes, another monday of laziness and workshift

and green tea.

shot out to dirty for the sandwich, meraj is gay, and silver - keep your head up.

peace.

dinner with the fredmyster and kristi @ bongo. other than that, listening to Dudley Perkins "A Lil Light" and still nervous about this tuesday. and i did study instead of atmosphere. good? hmm. Peace.

back online. co-op ethernet was dead for awhile. news? i got hives. yup. an alergic reaction to something i ate on sunday evening, so now i'm on some drowsy medication. damn. karma is a motherfucker.

Stevie Wonder is the greatest musician of all time. Fuck what you heard.

to all the 909 heads: you know what's great about berkeley? having Tung in your history class. it's just great. the first year we have class together is in college, when i'm all fucked up, scruffy, and straight up gangster, and he's, you know...TUNG! amusing in its own right.

free atmosphere show this saturday in frisco that i'll probably bail on to work on an essay, which will turn into procrastination and regret about not going to the show, therefore i'll go to the show.

the genius part about libraries: The Media Resource Center. I can watch Breakin' anytime I want at school! Everyday I'm watching a new movie in the morning before school, call it my own independent film study. "Thank you Uncle Sam!" - david cross (buy his shit! he's a genius).

SLAM finals this tuesday, and i'm nervous as ever :)

Oakland is beautiful. To quote that cracker-white-guy-I-lived-with-i-the-dorms-but-who-is-now-a-pussy-whipped-bitch, "I love Black people."

Listen to Jean Grae. And the new Chops cd - MOUNTAIN BROTHERS!

this weekend, though still in progress, was probably the most insane ever ever ever. idk where to start, so i just won't. i'll leave you hanging. ha. suckers.
lost in translation - decent movie, pretty good actually. best movie of all time, according to many critics? naw.
4 day weekends - maybe not the best idea in the world. still working on ironing them out, getting my reading schedule figured out.
musica - "one day it'll all make sense" by Common. listen to "G.O.D" featuring CeeLo. The ladder's verse/flows are worth listeningto/reading. and Thelonious Monk "April in Paris". Compare it to the Billie Holiday versions - talk about a remix.
saul williams - coming to oakland the 13th. Should be a ball. new cd this summer...hopefully.
interesting saul williams interview:
http://www.ukhh.com/features/interviews/saul_williams/index.html
me - desperately seeking for some sense of sanity...closure has come, no regrets either, but just looking for calm.
last but DEFINITELY not least::: happy b-day kristi
to you - peace.