inland empire comrades - thanks for a splendid break. starr, covina park b-ball ruled. i should've bought the pink polo, meraj should've rocked that one baby blue one from Lutheran, and elyse's wit-shake is still half empty.

i couldn't help but smile to my mother's every-5-minute-request of putting John Legend on the home stereo, in-between the Roots mixtapes i made my folks for x-mas last year and my mom's prized Nina Simone self-mix cd. walking up white ave. to la verne has never felt so good. idk about ya'll, but whenever i go home, i feel like i'm 12 again. not in the sense of security, but just excitement, optimism, all that innosense...that hasn't been totally abandoned or lost, just altered. twisted by the hands of regret, bitterness, longing, paranoia. maybe it's just a reaction to the dullness of the suburbs that i have to be the opposite and revert back to 1996. maybe i only feel comfortable being that person down there, but act differently here in the collegiate shadow of norcal.

regardless, hollywood sucks, as do Social Distortion shows where not one person was sent to the hospital - wtf?!? i did pass the Hustler Casino in Gardena next to Compton. i'm flying down there for my 21st, the building looks like swiss cheese in neon lights.

one nice treat - Motorcycle Diaries is still selling really well not only in berkeley, but in LA right now too. in it's 10th week and going strong.

done with airports, at least for 2004. i'm train'ing it down to SoCal for x-mas. 10-11 hour trip with ex-convicts...any takers?

and yes, i gotta blabber about it some more - i bought an old school Nintendo from my local Goodwill in Pomona. my new best friend. camilo's been replaced with Duck Hunt and Darkwing Duck. fuck halo 2, gimme some Tecmo Bowl, and i'm chillin.

The Beatles "Don't Let Me Down"

3:09am, on page four of a fourteen page research paper due by 5pm today.

i love music, all kinds. even the shitty stuff makes me smile. From the new John Legend (brilliant soulful music that needs to be heard) to the cheesy pop that is Gwen Stefani to the Blood Brothers , to the optimistic disenchantment that is The Arcade Fire, music is just beautiful. i've never been able to express that physically. i would love to learn to channel music through this tall frame, into something visual...maybe i should've never let go of my mother's hand as a child, when she tried to pull me off the floor and onto the Salsa dance floor that was our living room.

i'll be there tomorrow night. stuck in Mt. Baldy's shadow, holding a slurpee, and text messaging Elyse.

like JayLee said in his poem, if you get a happy ending, then the son of a bitch didn't tell you about the morning after... i can't express myself when intoxicated, and if i do, my feelings are maginifed to such a heightened sense of foolishness the recepient of said feelings will bear the brunt of a billion run-on sentences, low self-confidence, and an empty shallow guilt.

gotta get the hell outta America...but if i can't get my head straight here, can i really find it elsewhere? and even if i do, will it cross the ocean and meet me back in my bedroom?

some counselor in high school said pessimism was a gift toward being a critical person. who knew it would lead to being an asshole.

The Arcade Fire "Neighborhood #3 (Power out)" and "Haiti"

we drink at night to forget about the impending daylight, creeping on us like the responsibilities that increase with our age. i don't run away from my problems - i choose to walk. on nights like the past few, where each step is a thought over calculated and redundant to the point where it just becomes a mechanical dance of banal movements trying to escape everything and nothing at the same time (you can see why i love Camus so much).

next year seems promising. 2003 was the pain, 2004 was the learning/growth, hopefully 2005 will be an explosion of sorts. something slow, sublte, but important. the full realization of self.

we'll buy one-way tix only. come back when we, instead of time, decides.

until then, drinks on me.

Yesterday's New Quintet "Angles without Edges" (the whole album)

woke up sunday morning in the basement of my house with my 2nd hangover in a 12 hour period.

thanks to the high school kids from sacto that sang happy b-day to me.

the 2nd song in this lil Chocolate skate vid is splendid.

staring dead ahead at my first closed door in some time.

my sister was born on michael jordan's birthday, and i get odb's death date. no fair.

thanks to all :)

"good memories
make the worst
regrets

so i'm back
to feeling phantom fingers
that etch my stomach
like a blade of wet grass"

- geoff trenchard "meantime"

can't wait for this one...

the nor cal premiere of the new toy machine video, "good and evil"
friday november 12th Club Six(60 6th st@ Mission)
www.clubsix1.com
Video Starts at 9:30
Free 9-9:30 $5 after

Ed Templeton, the mastermind behind Toy Machine, has always treated the company more as an art project than as a business, showing how the sport is as creative an artform as painting, sculpture, etc. The trailer is dope.

some dope events to peep this week...

1) CAL SLAM TOMORROW NIGHT!
featuring: Jaylee Alde
8pm, Bear's Lair $3-10 donation

2) support this show, Rental Car. STARTS THIS THURSDAY!!! peep the staff page - jimmy and booce be on that shit. support or die.

3) Lyrical Mayhem
the Proletariat Bronze open mic
friday, november 5th
@ pro arts gallery
550 2nd St. in Downtown Oakland (by Jack London Square)
$3 or other donation (aka sex)


in other news...


went to arizona for the Social Venture Network conference. members of this network are the leaders of successful non-profits across the country (so, old white people with shit loads of money, horrible fashion sense, and liberal sentiments). again, one of 3 brown people there that was not serving food. the Sonora desert is amazing. i sat next to the founder of Birkenstock at dinner. phrase of the weekend: BOOYASHAKA! we also watched Laguna Beach religiously. that show is horribly accurate. broken toes are sexy. as is being drunk in a hot tub at 3am, and getting on sobering up on a flight 2 hours later. big up.

someone got this for their b-day.

buy this, listen to it, love it.